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abduct

Abduct means to cart someone off by force or in secret.

The most obvious course of action for me here would be to make a joke about alien abductions. Because it’s so obvious, and because other people are much better at making alien abduction jokes than I am, I won’t do it other than to point out the requirement of either force or secrecy for it to be legitimately called an abduction.

If, when the aliens swoop down on your backyard, you say something such as, “Wow, that’s a really awesome flying saucer you’ve got there. Mind if I can come aboard and look around? You can perform experiments on me while I’m inside if you like. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I have a video camera switched on. It’s been streaming our encounter to CNN. I hope you don’t mind,” the aliens would not have taken you either by force or in secret and, therefore, it would technically not be an abduction.

Despite it not being an abduction, I would still suggest that you seek professional help after that experience because, come on, aliens have landed in your backyard none of the people in the general vicinity saw them? Get real. I don’t care how remote your home is, someone is going to see a spaceship whooshing down through our atmosphere and targeting your backyard. Face it. You need help.

Moving on, abduct also means to draw a body part away from a position that is close to or parallel to the main part of the body. So, if you were to, for example raise your arm high in the air so that someone far away could see that you were giving him or her the finger you would be abducting your arm. You’d also be very rude, although, depending on the situation, possibly justified in your rudeness. But that’s neither here nor there in the context of the word abduct.

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