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Absorb, absorbent, absorbing and now absorption. I’m getting tired of all of these absorb derivatives. They are starting to absorb too much of my time. You’ll be happy to know—or, even if you won’t be happy to know, I certainly am—that I took a sneak peak further down in my dictionary and there are none left. So let’s get absorption out of the way, over and done with, and move on, shall we?

Absorption is the act of absorbing or being absorbed. Ooh, that was so very clever of whoever created the word, now wasn’t it? Take absorb, replace the b with a p and add a tion on the end and, boom, you’ve got a whole new word that doesn’t do a hell of lot more work than the other, more natural derivatives of absorb.

Why couldn’t they make it absorbtion instead of absorption? Is there some reason other than that the inventor of the word was an evil bastard who intentionally and dastardly devised that spelling a way to trip up amateur spellers? I can’t think of another reason.

My dictionary tells me that absorption can also refer to the total engagement of a mind in a task, but you could just as easily ignore this meaning and, with a little clever manipulation of the sentence, use absorbed instead.

For example, rather than saying “his absorption in his studies is admirable,” you could say, “its bloody, damn well admirable how freaking absorbed he can get in his studies.” It’s a little longer, but it’s much more emphatic and, most important, you won’t have to worry about remembering whether absorption is spelled with a b or a p. (It’s a p, but if you read this far you already knew that unless your short-term memory is tragically impaired.)

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