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acceleration

When car sales people say something to the effect of, “this baby will do zero to 60 in four seconds,” they are talking about the fastest acceleration that the car can achieve. Acceleration refers to the increase in the rate of velocity.

If you don’t speak car speak, and I rarely do, you might need some help translating what the car salespeople are saying. When they say “baby” in that context they are talking about the car they are trying to sell you. You decide whether “baby” is sexist when it refers to a car, not a woman. I don’t want to get into that argument.

“Zero to 60 in four seconds” means that if you slam the pedal to the metal (push the gas pedal down as fast as you can without accidentally or intentionally leaving your parking or regular brake on) you can start from a dead stop and get up to 60 miles per hour in just four seconds. That assumes, of course, they are talking about miles, rather than kilometers. Zero to 60 kilometers per hour is still a rapid acceleration, but not quite as impressive.

If your car salesperson does indeed tell you, “this baby will do zero to 60 in four seconds,” not only is that spectacular, but he or she is probably lying. I say this for the following reasons:

  1. Cars capable of that rapid an acceleration cost way more than the average person can afford. If you’ve convinced the dealer that you are a potential buyer for such a car and, therefore, it’s worth his or her time to spend so much as five seconds talking with you then you likely make a hell of a lot of money.[break][break]In that case, you’re probably not wasting your time reading this garbage because you’re too busy working hard to earn your fortune.Of course, if you inherited or stole the money, that’s a different matter. In that case, you either have my condolences for your loss or my condemnation for your crime.[break][break]
  2. You’d likely be afraid to try it because you’d almost certainly get a reckless driving ticked if a police officer was around when you did.[break][break]
  3. Unless you’re driving on deserted salt flats, you’d probably smash into something long before you reached the 60 miles per hour mark.[break][break]
  4. Some car salespeople and carmakers exaggerate the truth.[break][break]
  5. Some car salespeople just make stuff up out of thin air.[break][break]

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