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accordion

I’m sure that there are plenty of types of musical instruments in the world that I’ve never heard. Several more have undoubtedly slipped my mind at this moment. But of those that come to mind, the accordion is my second-most disliked instrument. The one I dislike most is the bagpipes.

That statement will probably turn one or two people against me, including people who never knew me until they stumbled on this. The only reason that the number isn’t higher is that I’m being incredibly optimistic in thinking that one or two people will stumble on this, let alone one or two people who are accordion or bagpipe enthusiasts. But there you have it.

For those of you who don’t know what an accordion is, lucky you. It’s a musical instrument with a bellows bookended by two keyboards. By squeezing the bellows in and out and manipulating the keyboard, the alleged musician can make the accordion sound like an organ that you might buy in the discount aisle of a low-end department store.

When I said “organ” in the preceding paragraph, I meant a musical instrument, not a body part, but you probably figured that out. Few department stores put body parts in the discount aisles. You usually have to go to the grocery department for that, or you have to do a back-room deal with a less-than-honorable sales clerk.

The fact that in movies, and occasionally in real-life, accordion buskers use monkeys to pass a tin cup to collect tips tells you everything you need to know about the sophistication of the accordion.

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