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achievement

I wrote about the word achieve in the immediately previous entry. An understanding of what I wrote there is essential to understand what I’m about to write here. So please go and read the achieve entry (you can do so by clicking here) and then come back. I’ll wait.

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Oh, good. You’re back. If you achieve something, the goal that you achieve is an achievement. See how handy it was to know the word achieve?

Many people get depressed at one time or another—or with some people, a lot of times—because they come to believe that they haven’t achieved anything in their lives. Nonsense! Remember what I said in the entry on achieve? It doesn’t matter if the goal is easy, if you accomplish what you set out to accomplish you’ve achieved that goal and that’s an achievement.

If you ever find yourself down in the dumps because you feel you haven’t amounted to anything, take the time to write out a list of all of your achievements in your life.

In the achieve entry, I suggested setting a goal of breathing because that’s easy to achieve as long as you’re alive. Remember to include that on your list. In fact, write it down first so you won’t forget.

Here are some other things you’ve achieved, typically every day:

  • Urination and defecation. If you don’t think these are important goals, think what you’re life would be like without these achievements. You’d eventually explode or at least rupture some major organs.
  • Sleeping and, perchance, dreaming. There’s nothing like a good night’s sleep, but a bad night’s sleep is nothing to sneeze at either because the sneezing will keep you awake.
  • Waking up. What would your life be like without waking up? It would be like a coma or, worse, death and you wouldn’t want that, would you? So bravo to you for waking up each day.
  • Eating. If you don’t eat you’ll die so this is clearly an important achievement.
  • Drinking. I’m talking about hydration, not inebriation here. Inebriation is another achievement completely. If you don’t drink you’ll day even faster than if you don’t eat so this is an even more important achievement.

I was going to add things like getting out of bed in the morning and walking to the bathroom, kitchen, etc., but some people, such as quadriplegics, can’t do this and I didn’t want to suggest that their lives are in any way less accomplished. But feel free to add them to your list if they are goals that you achieve.

In addition, the above list contains only a few of the goals that most of us achieve daily. I’m sure you can think of many more. For example, are you one of those people who likes to brush his or her teeth once or twice a day? Do you usually do that? If so, bully for you. Those are more achievements to add to your list. If you don’t achieve them then you might want to at least consider sucking on some breath mints before talking to anyone.

And don’t forget to add the achievements that are unique to you too. I would give an example but, like I said, they are unique to you. I don’t know you, so I can’t very well give you an example, now can I?

And remember, don’t be too general. Because you want to boost your spirits, you should have as many achievements on your list as possible. So, for example, don’t list just “urinated.” Instead, if you woke up at 6:00 a.m. on September 9 and immediately felt the need to urinate, include “peed at 6:01 a.m. on September 9” on your list. If you feel the need to pee again at 10:00 a.m. and you are able to satisfy that need, write it down. That’s an achievement too. And do the same for every pee, crap, meal, etc. every day. Your list will be impressive in no time.

By the time you meticulously complete the list of all of your achievements, including even the minutest and most insignificant among them, you’ll be dead and you won’t have to worry about getting depressed anymore. You can thank me later. Or probably not.

Achievement also has another meaning. In heraldry, an achievement is a coat of arms depicting the formal accomplishments of the bearer of the coat of arms.

I’m guessing that less than 10 percent of the people who read this entry will have a coat of arms or be interested in coats of arms. I also estimate that only about two people will read this entry. Thus, if my estimates are accurate, less than 0.2 readers will be interested in coats of arms, which rounds to zero. So, it would be pointless of me to say anything more about this definition of achievement. Besides, I don’t know any more and I can’t be bothered to look it up. So bugger off.

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