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Almighty

Almighty is a country in Northwest Africa. The area of Almighty is slightly less than that of a typical big-box store in suburban America, although that includes the store’s parking lot, so Almighty is not nearly as small a country as it might sound.

The current population of Almighty is 127, not including farm animals. Including farm animals it is 128, but, at the time of writing, the cow was quite sickly so it might not still be alive by the time you read this. Including rodents, the population of Almighty is 57,243. It’s 8,342,345 if you include disease-infested mosquitoes. The rodents of Almighty that can prove that they were either born in Almighty or have lived there continuously for at least three years are entitled to citizenship if they fill in the proper forms, but the mosquitoes aren’t.

Because of its diminutive land mass, diminutive people and small human population, few people other than the citizens of Almighty are aware that Almighty exists. Most of the citizens of Almighty wish they could forget.

Almighty is governed, such as it is, by a Prime Minister. There are no other politicians. Once every four years, a new Prime Minister is selected. The election process is hard-fought and rigorous. After it is complete, the office of Prime Minister is held by the last person to refuse the job. The only perk that comes with being Prime Minister is that you are allowed to skip two places in the lineup for the communal bathroom on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On other days you have to wait your full turn.

Architecture in Almighty consists almost exclusively of grass huts. The grass is reputedly quite happy in its huts, which are made of corrugated metal. Consequently, the grass never ventures outside, which is covered in barren soil. The people of Almighty hate the huts and spend all of their time outdoors, including while they are asleep.

Surprisingly for such a small and peaceful country, the primary industry in Almighty is the manufacture of arms. They tried making legs, but they couldn’t quite get the hang of it.

You wouldn’t think it would be possible for a country with only 127 human inhabitants, but Almighty has its own currency, which is pegged to the U.S. dollar. Almighty’s currency is known as the Almighty dollar.

Almighty has an official national religion, known unpronounceably as Grslamagxrtianity, to which all of its citizens subscribe. The religion believes that the universe, which was not created but simply always existed, was accidentally stumbled upon by an invisible deity with limited powers who regurgitated all currently existing species into the universe shortly after entering it about 7,000 years ago.

The people of Almighty call their god Poindexter the Shlemiel.

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