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alone

In this attention-challenged, brevity-loving, literacy-impaired world, all written communication must be be abbreviated to the max, particularly if it needs to be squeezed into the asinine 140-character limit of Twitter. That’s why a clever, bits-for-brains web-head who insists on anonymity for security reasons came up with the word alone.

Alone is shorthand for the famous Three Musketeers motto,”All for one and one for all.”

For example, if you wanted to use Twitter to tell the world that, whatever it takes, you would defend your friends through thick and thin and they would do the same for you, you might tweet, “I’m alone. #AndIAmAJerk.”

Considering the meaning of alone, its usage in that tweet is far from perfect. Alone is supposed to be about a group standing up for one person and everyone in that group standing up for the group as a whole, so how does the “I’m” fit in with that? Shouldn’t it be something more along the lines of, “I’m a strong supporter of the alone philosophy. #AndIAmAJerk?” Then again, it’s Twitter. Expectations are exceedingly low. Don’t worry about it.

The #AndIAmAJerk hashtag is not strictly necessary. Use it whenever appropriate, which will be always when you are tweeting tedious crap like that.

If you want to state your claim more emphatically, you might instead tweet, “I’m all alone. #AndIAmReallyReallyReallyAJerk.” The “all” says that you take the words to the extreme, such as when Meghan Trainor sings, “I’m all about that bass,” rather than, “I’m about that bass.”

Strictly speaking, the “all” in the more emphatic version of the tweet is redundant because alone stands for “all for one and one for all,” which already includes a couple of alls embedded in it. However, if you’re going to be a jerk, you might as well go all the way.

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