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An always (noun) is a type of road intersection. At an always, vehicles going in all directions face identical road signs and/or traffic signals. This could be (in the case of two intersecting streets) four red lights, four yellow lights, four green lights, four super-cool, psychedelic, rainbow-coloured, artistically colour-shifting lights, four stop signs, four yield signs, four “watch for children” signs, four “watch for slow-moving seniors” signs, four “watch for pedestrians of any type” signs, four “watch for cyclists” signs, four “watch for jaywalkers” signs, four “watch the hell where you’re going” signs, four “watch your manners” signs, four “you’re on your own” signs, or whatever—or any combination thereof.

Obviously, anything other than stop signs at an always can be very dangerous for drivers, particularly if they are busy chatting away on their handheld cellphones, totally oblivious to what’s going on in the rest of the world. Then again, world-oblivious cellphone users won’t see the stop signs anyway, so, never mind.

That having been said, four stop signs also presents a problem even when drivers are paying due attention. If four idiots, each traveling in a different direction, arrive simultaneously at an always intersection, perpetual gridlock can occur. In that case, it’s best just to permanently close the streets and let the idiots die in their cars, which will then become their above-ground coffins.

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