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Ampersand (noun) is electrically charged sand. This occurs naturally, with varying magnitudes of electric charge.

When a beach is covered in particularly powerful ampersand, beach bums may be electrocuted, sometimes fatally. There are those who say, “Serves them right, those lazy, good-for-nothing loafers. They should have gotten a job instead of wasting their time on the beach.” It’s usually just right-wing fanatics who say that sort of thing, but some other people think it.

Scientists have tried to create artificial ampersand for use in industrial-sized batteries (the batteries would be too big and heavy for home or automotive uses), but they so far have failed. It never occurred to them to just mine the existing ampersand to save themselves the effort of manufacturing it, in the unlikely event they ever figure out how to do so.

Idiots. Mining would be much cheaper, much easier, and it would protect beach bums from electrocution. But, no, that’s too simple a solution for those highfalutin scientists to think of. Did we say, idiots?

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