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Amphora (noun) is a material that is used to make some exceptionally high-priced lines of clothing. Amphora is generally used to make shirts and blouses, but you can also find it in some too-expensive-for-the-likes-of-you jackets, pants, skirts, dresses and shoes.

Amphora is the harvested, tanned and sometimes dyed skins of frogs, toads, salamanders or newts.

Be warned, chic and upper crust though amphora may be, members of animal rights groups might throw paint on you if they catch you wearing amphora clothing. (We polled the staff here and none of us have ever understood why animal rights groups do that. “Damn,” the victims might curse, “now I have to go out and buy another fur or amphora coat to replace this ruined one.” Hence the need to kill more animals.)

However, some people protest only against companies that use exclusively the hides and throw away what’s underneath the animal’s skin. These people make exceptions and won’t protest—or, if they do protest, will only wag their fingers rather than throwing paint—if you’re wearing clothes made made by a company that uses the whole animal by selling the meat as a food or medicinal product. To qualify for this protest exemption, it’s important to always wear your amphora clothing’s labels on the outside so everyone can see the brand.

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