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An anagram is a form of communication that has long since gone out of style. It predates even the telegram. A telegram was a form of communication that, upon evoking its name today, will elicit shouts of, “What the hell are you talking about, you old, senile fart? A telegram? You’re just making that crap up, aren’t you?”

Well, never mind that. Suffice it to say that an anagram was a now-out-of-date method of communication. An anagram is any message that is carried on the back of some form of animal without the accompaniment of humans.

The most common type of anagram was a message sent by carrier pigeon. Some clever communications companies tried to train carrier turtles because turtles tend to be longer-lived and more robust than pigeons. However, carrier turtles proved to be inadequate for anything beyond short and medium-range communications because, well, there are only 24 hours in a day and every living being—including turtles and the human senders and receivers of messages—eventually dies.

Life is just too short for carrier turtles. More’s the pity.

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