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anapaest (anapest)

An anapaest (noun), which Americans spell anapest because Americans are so excruciatingly lazy that they can’t be bothered with the second a, is someone who so incessantly spews gossipy anecdotes that he or she becomes a totally unbearable pest.

You, no doubt, know a few of these people. The only time they open their mouths is to tell a long, tedious scandal-filled (or, at a minimum, peccadillo-filled) story about someone other than themselves. Worse, anapaests open their mouths unbelievably frequently. And they keep their mouths open and their vocal cords active for ridiculously long periods.

Meeting up with an anapaest starts your mind wondering about the legal criteria for justifiable homicide. Unless, of course, you are a criminal lawyer, in which case you start building your justifiable homicide defense in your mind.

If you don’t know any anapaests, consider yourself very, very, very fortunate. If you do know them, then always be vigilant and be sure to run the other way when you see one coming.

The fact that everyone who meets an anapaest invariably, and within the first ten minutes of a conversation, reaches a firm conviction that these tellers of gossipy anecdotes are pests is the source of the word anapaest. Come to think of it, Americans are right. If anapaest is derived from anecdote and pest, where the hell did that second a in anapaest come from? Damn, English-speakers from the British Commonwealth can be such blathering idiot at times, can’t they?

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